There's something you have to do before you take on a new
task. Before you set your goals of what you want to achieve.
Even before you visualise what you want your life to become,
you have to relax both your mind and your body.
That's because confidence building is useless - and can even
do you harm - if you aren't relaxed when you do it.
You're about to learn three of the most important steps
anyone can use to easily become confident in ANY task. Even
for the most paralysed with fear, wanting to do the most
scary of adventures.
You can do all of the three Confidence Builders and get some
benefit, but unless you are in the right mental state, you
will not be able to correctly imprint the confident feeling
you want... you could even be making things worse.
That's why you first need to
relax... Relaxation is an active process. And you
don't get it sitting on the couch with a beer and the TV
remote.
If you really want to learn how to relax find someone with a
gun. Go watch a target pistol shooter in action.
These are the guys who compete in pistol shooting events
where 1/4th of an inch separates getting 1st place, from
getting nothing. When you want to hit a target at a distance
of 15 feet, missing by 1/4 of an inch is caused by moving
the gun half a hair's width off target as you pull the
trigger.
For a while when I was back in Australia I was part of a
pistol shooting club. When you learn how to relax the way
these guys teach it, it's more effective than a meditation
class. (It's got nothing to do with the fact you're armed
either.)
The best target shooters I've met can put their body and
mind into a very specific state before they compete where
they are almost exuding calmness. They change their
breathing and visualise themselves calmly hitting the target
right in the centre, every time they enter a room. They see
themselves in their mind's eye successfully moving from
target to target, hitting every one.
Just like stress and tension
will ruin a gunman's shot, stress and tension will also ruin
your ability to stay focussed on hitting your targets too. Fear and stress cause your body to lock its muscles. When
you are in the grip of a strong fear your whole body can
freeze.
What most people don't realise is that their ability to feel
enormous fear is actually their ability to feel powerful
enjoyment. That's because the feeling of fear is the same as
the feeling of exhilaration – the only difference is that
fear is where you are saying "No" or resisting moving
forward. And exhilaration is where you are saying "Yes",
riding what life has brought to you.
Think of that next time you feel "nerves" before speaking in
public or talking to a good looking stranger at a party.
You're feeling a surge of energy, but are you saying "No"
and resisting speaking or are you saying "Yes" and looking
forward to it?
Once you're relaxed, then you can build a habit of success.
Then you can build that feeling of confidence.
Three of the best ways to build that feeling of confidence
are Practice, Coaching and Vulnerability.
Relaxed Confidence Building Secret
#1 - Practice Most people not living under a rock
know of Tiger Woods. Many know that he won the Masters in
Augusta for the first time in 1997. Few know how he did it.
He didn't just play a few rounds there. He studied previous
year's video tapes from Augusta. He watched and analysed
exactly how the greens were laid out, how they were
contoured, and how to hit the ball from every position of
every green.
This was mental practice at its finest and it capped off the
countless hours he spent on the courses every week honing
and refining his skills. Hour upon hour working out how best
to hit the ball, to swing, to grip in different, changing
and challenging circumstances.
He did what most people never do which is to put in the
hours of practice. He also did what many serious golfers
don't do. And that is to put in the mental work, even when
not on the course. That's one reason why he's is described
as one of the hardest working golfers.
All of that intense effort gives him the payoff of
confidence when he stands ready to tee off.
Relaxed Confidence Building Secret
#2 - Coaching There's no world class athlete who
doesn't have a coach.
There's no Fortune 500 CEO who hasn't had mentoring.
There's no military general without an influential
drillmaster.
Since 1969 the British police and military have fought
terrorists in Northern Ireland. They have a special division
called 14 Company whose job is to act as counter-terrorist
spies.
Recruitment into 14 Company is tough and the training is
brutal as well as mentally taxing. All manner of covert
surveillance and intelligence gathering is trained.
At one time the inductees are led to a room underground with
no lights and no windows. They are told to exit the room at
the other side without making a sound.
Unknown to them is the sand, broken glass, piles of cans and
other traps strewn in the dark across their path. Meanwhile
a recruiter watches them silently with night vision goggles
as they fumble around in the darkness.
A good coach is one who guides you through the darkness.
They have the night vision goggles of wisdom and past
experience to direct your steps and they keep you focussed
and moving forward faster than you would by yourself.
Only a coach can help you move quickly and confidently
toward your goal instead of fumbling around in the dark
trying to do it all yourself.
Relaxed Confidence Building Secret
#3 - Vulnerability. Imagine you're in an invading
army that has just landed on the shores of an enemy much
larger than you. So far from home and so likely to die,
retreat will be in your mind – especially if you were
conscripted.
If you were a soldier in the time of Julius Caesar, a common
practice for your general would be to burn the boats you
arrived in. They did that making the only way home through
the army in front of you.
That's got to be scary, but many Roman successes were
directly caused by "burning their bridges behind them".
No matter how bad a situation is, when a person fully
accepts that there is no back-out plan or possibility of
retreat, and they commit to doing anything necessary to
fight their way out, they unlock a creative power within
themselves that never had a reason to show itself.
You can call forth this creative power on demand by putting
yourself into a situation where you make yourself
vulnerable.
So long as you whole-heartedly accept that there is no
retreat option for you, that you cannot back out of what you
have gotten yourself into, then and only then will your
subconscious call forth that special ability.
You can make yourself vulnerable for example by volunteering
to lead a project team at work; by donating your time to a
crisis centre or by taking a controversial stance on a topic
affecting your business.
I'm into adventure sports and when I jump out of an
aeroplane there is no way back to the safety of that plane.
There's nothing but the air around me and the ground rushing
to meet me.
Or when I mountain bike down a near-vertical wall, any
attempt to stop or back out will kill me. The only safety is
in going forward – going forward purposefully and regardless
of the dangers or obstacles...
...going forward "confidently".
It's when you follow this third method of confidence
building that you realise that there are no guarantees in
life.
We see this in life every day. When you buy a house you
don't get a guarantee that you can return it at the purchase
price.
When you start a college degree you don't get a guarantee
that you will have a worthwhile and fulfilling life... or
even a job.
In fact every important decision in life requires you to
take responsibility for your choice. It's only for the stuff
that doesn't really matter in life where you'll get a
guarantee - like buying a blender from Walmart. Life offers
no guarantees - only opportunities for you to take advantage
of.
Sun Tsu wrote more than 2000 years ago that an army who
moves forward while also looking backwards for retreat, will
be destroyed.
It's funny that people intuitively know that there is no
such thing as security in life yet most will still cling to
this need for safety...
... and will kill any ability to be confident.
Don't be them. Practise. Get coaching and keep putting
yourself out there.
Matthew White is the author of Instant Calmness, a course
which teaches the easy way to achieve confidence, relaxation
and motivation.
You can find out more here.
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